How NOT to Masturbate!

Something clouded my mind; I lost my senses and my breath for a minute. This was different, a feeling that I had never experienced before. What was it? Why do I feel relaxed and happy? Is this what they call nirvana? – This was me when I masturbated for the first time in my life. And astonishingly, my feelings for my hand haven’t changed at all. However, over the years, out of the several thing my life has taught me, one of the most important things is: if you mistreat your pipi, you are going to make it iffy. And hence, this list of things that you should not do with your rocket pop.

Keep it to yourself

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Remember KONY 2012? Jason Russel not so gracefully exited the spotlight after being filmed masturbating in public amidst making vulgur signs and talking to himself. Don’t be that guy, the truth is: it’s gross, unbearable, pathetic and they are god damn children in public. You don’t want these children to learn the wrong way to masturbate, do you?

Don’t wank and drive

It doesn’t have a happy ending. In 2016 a 58 year old man from the USA crashed while watching porn and masturbating, talk about multi tasking! He was found dead at the scene, pantsless having half been ejected through the cars sunroof.

A Bottle Neck is not a Cock Ring

A guy in India once tried replicating the cock ring by inserting his Jackie in the bottle. It was fun at first. The blood flow was restricted and all, much like a cock ring, but when the bottle denied to come off, things went in the opposite direction. His penis grew double the size and he was rushed to the emergency. The doctors were able to treat the swollen cock, but the embarrassment was mountainous.

May The RIGHT Force Be with You

A study reveals that almost 60% of the cases of broken penis occur during masturbation. Rough sex accounts for a mere 16%. Do you see the difference? What goes wrong during masturbation? The angle, speed, direction, grip and the length of the stroke. Masturbation looks easy, but if you think about all the physics involved with every stroke, it is quite a deal.

Half Orgasm or Deny an Orgasm

Some men rush to the bathroom as soon as they are ready to release the kiddy fluid. The truth is, when you do that, you actually ruin an orgasm and hence invoke a negative effect. You see, masturbation is supposed to make you happy. When you masturbate and help yourself with the final release, you activate the brain to go into euphoria. However, if you deny the last stroke of satisfaction, your brain does not get the signal and it keeps on asking for the release while your member has already fallen asleep. An asleep John cannot work overtime, can he?

Not Doing it at All

If you are not masturbating at all, why are you not masturbating at all? You are missing on the sweet gifts of life. The true spirit of satisfaction lies in your hand (or better yet a sexy toy) and you don’t realize it. There is a reason they say that once you go hand, you never go back.