Discovering sex toys for the first time can be scary for some people. You are not alone if you find yourself in this category. If you are a first-timer or just want to brush up on things, then this post is for you. Sex toys come in all shapes and sizes and they can be a perfect addition to your sex life for yourself, with a partner, or even a few!
Sex toys can add to both satisfaction and closeness with your partner, just make sure you discuss it and you’re both on board. Here are the simple ways to introduce sex toys to your partner:
Communication. Communication is essential, discuss with your spouse and let your partner see the benefit of adding toys to your sex life. To bring up the topic, simply say that you read an intriguing article about sex toys and the writer made some salient points, Add the point that sex toys can help liven up and break out of unchanged routines that are almost inevitable after couples have stayed together for a long time.
To avoid scaring your partner, it is advisable to start with simple small toys. If you previously understand that your spouse has some uncertainty about there being a third party in the bedroom, you don’t want to come home with a giant vibrator.
Let your partner know it is for both of you. Sex toys like vibrators are usually thought of being just for women, but the fact is men can also enjoy them too. You may not know this yet, but a vibrator against the end of his penis, his scrotum, or his perineum (that ultra-sensitive spot between his anus and the base of his penis), can feel amazing.
Keep it honest. You’re merely striving to add fun in your sex life; you’re trying to build greater intimacy and sexual satisfaction for both of you. After all, everyone can use a helping hand. Or vibe.
It’s important to keep your sex toys safe and sterile to avoid any complications, a rule of thumb is to wash them right away. Before you blissfully fall asleep!
Sex toys can be made out of a lot of materials, the most common way this is classified is porous and non-porous materials. Porous basically meaning anything with small holes in the surface that can carry bacteria, this includes most plastics and soft toys. Non porous toys, for example glass are generally easier to keep clean, but both are fine if you treat them right.
There are various toy cleaning wipes and sprays that can make cleaning your toys a bit easier, but an effective method is also to clean the toys with soap and a bit of warm water. Some people like to use condoms with porous toys to extend their life, this is a particularly useful tip if using with multiple partners.
For a further breakdown of how to care for your toys check out our article here.
Another important thing to keep in mind is where you will keep your toys, don’t just throw them in a cluttered drawer or shove them under the mattress! Keep them in a clean space, ideally somewhere not too hot to avoid breakdowns of softer toys. If possible try not to have your toys touching to avoid any cross contamination.
But what if someone finds them? First of all, no-one should be going through your stuff so consider finding a new roommate. Secondly Who cares? Sex toys are a natural way to explore your sexuality and they are nothing to be ashamed of. If anyone has a problem with that then they probably have some deep seeded issues of their own.
There are so many options it can be overwhelming! Some people will have toys that instantly come to mind if they’re interested in bdsm or any other specific kinks, but for those of us still exploring it can be hard to know where to start. There’s no harm in trying something that piques your interest, if it doesn’t interest you after that then just move on, experimentation is key (at your own pace). Here are a few options we recommend exploring.
Really everyone should have some lubricant handy, for most vaginal penetration a water based lubricant is an ideal solution. If you intend to use it for anal sex then we recommend a silicone based lubricant as this will last longer and counteract the fact that the anus doesn’t provide any natural lubrication.
If you’re sensitive then look for a non-flavoured and hypoallergenic lube to avoid anything you might react to. If you’re not sure we’ve put together a sample kit that has a few flavoured lubricants, a silicone lubricant, a hypoallergenic lubricant, some gel to increase sensitivity and some gel to make those with a penis last longer.
If you trust someone when a bit of light bondage can make things exciting, just make sure you communicate and for f**ks sake don’t just spring it on them because everyones taste is different and that’s ok! If you do decide to go down this route a couple of things you might want to try are:
Bondage tape – this is a tape that only sticks to itself making it easy and painless to clean up. It’s perfect for beginners because anybody can use it, it’s comfortable, it’s cheap and one roll will last you quite a while.
Paddles – We recommend starting with paddles instead of whips as whips actually take quite a bit of skill to use and in the wrong hands can cause damage to both parties, try and explain that sore wrist to your parents! Paddles on the other hand deliver a big sound and a fun sensation that will leave you thrilled but not stinging.
Ah the trusty vibrator, this comes in every imaginable shape for every imaginable purpose. Like we said earlier, if you’re going to introduce vibrators to sex with a partner start with something small and non-threatening. You would be surprised just how much of a difference a small “bullet” vibe can make, especially if the female(s) in your relationship are having trouble reaching orgasm. They are great for foreplay everywhere on the body and during sex using it to massage the clitoris can have amazing effects. If you’re looking for something a bit more substantial a great starting point is a “rabbit” vibrator which is great for penetration while also massaging the clitoris, or the anus if it’s the other way around!
Vibrators aren’t only for vaginal sex, there are also prostate vibrators, vibrating nipple clamps and much more. When it comes down to it it’s a sensation that feels great so it can be used anywhere on the body
Anal sex get’s a bad wrap sometimes but if you approach it in a respectful, controlled and slow manner it can be incredibly pleasurable for everyone involved. First things first, LUBE, always use lubricant and a generous amount of it for anal sex because as wonderful as our butts are, they’re not self-lubricating. Secondly go slow, start with something small like a finger or small toy and only work up to what you’re comfortable with. You will have a long and enjoyable sex life so there’s no rush. Finally, and most importantly communicate with each other, that’s the only way to make sure you’re both comfortable having fun which is vital.
Butt plugs are a great place to start, they come in various sizes in both standard and vibrating models, they generally won’t go too deep and they will introduce you to the world of anal play without scaring the shit out of you (some pun intended). Once you’re comfortable with this you might want to try something like a prostate massager, while it’s going to take a larger toy to reach the prostate you won’t believe the sensations you can get from this.
Worried about poop? Well, shit happens sometimes but you both know what you have gotten into so its nothing to be embarrassed about, there are however anal douches you can pick up quite cheap so you can get yourself cleaned and prepped beforehand. On this note, once you’ve moved onto anal make sure you’re thoroughly cleaned up the penetrating toy or phallice before you even think about putting it another hole! That’s how UTIs happen, which can be incredibly painful.
2 key points here, first of all consent is sexy but MOST IMPORTANTLY it is absolutely necessary. There are a lot of ways sexual situations can play out but consent from all involved is vital no matter what. There’s no reason to avoid this, being confident in asking for consent is actually rather attractive. Remember if somebody isn’t interested it’s harassment to continue asking not to mention the least attractive quality to let people see, you might not get lucky that night but you’re not going to ruin your chances at being seen as a respectable human being which will help you later on. No one wants to have sex with a creep.
What about sex toys? Well these come into the same category, you can’t just go sticking something foreign inside your partner, make sure they are comfortable trying it and remember it’s ok for them to change their mind at any point. If that makes you angry then well, chill out buddy…
But what about the grey area? Well, there really isn’t one. If someone is drunk, on drugs or for any reason in no state to give consent then lack of consent is implied. If you’re not sure then it’s a no, if appropriate help the person get home or back to their friends safely and check on them the next day. Who knows you might even score a date for being the responsible one!
If you ignore all this not only do you just suck as a person you will rightfully end up convicted, socially isolated and behind bars.
Condoms and STD’s. Don’t ruin your life or anybody else’s when a solution is easily and readily available. Unless you are in a committed and trusting relationship for a long time and are using other forms of contraception then use a condom. Make sure you get checked regularly for any STDs but know a clean test doesn’t mean you can avoid a condom, some STDs take weeks or even months to be detectable which is why it’s always important to be safe. If there aren’t any dicks in your relationship then there are other options like dental dams but the most effective is going to be honest and open conversation. If in doubt GTFO.
Talk about it. there’s nothing wrong with having an STD talk and being frank with people is always the best option, even if you do suffer from an STD there are ways to be safe about it. If somebody doesn’t want to be safe or won’t discuss it with you just pass on them, there are 7.5 billion other people out there, you’re going to be ok.
There is no other reason to have sex (unless you’re trying for a kid) than to have fun. Explore your own sexual landscape, anything that doesn’t harm others is at your fingertips, find what works for you and find it in your own time.
Any pressure you feel from friends or partners to have sex or try something new is their problem, you don’t have to justify doing things your way and if somebody pushes you to do otherwise, they’re not worth your time. “But they’re so cool and they play in a band” This phase will pass! at some point you will realize that we’re all just people and that person who has cool tattoos and a bad attitude isn’t particularly special, they probably just spend too much time thinking about themselves and looking in the mirror. Still really like them? If they like you too then they will go at your pace and be safe, if they don’t then they’re not worth your time (see note above about 7.5 billion options).
If you have any questions reach out to us on our social media channels and we can either give you some advice or point you in the direction of somebody better equipped to do so. Sex is normal, natural and ok to talk about. Anybody that judges you for it is either incredibly immature or taking religion far too seriously, either way who cares what they think.